johnguinness's Diaryland Diary
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The light switch in my neck
Still having pro cycling withdrawals, or rather bouts of falling off the wagon to go rant about things. I don't even think about watching the early races, I haven't taken a good look at the routes for the big ones, and I don't care how guys are training, what the new uniforms and bikes look like, etc. But I spent a year and a half defending Contador against Lance and the media that supports him, and on through all sorts of things, that it's tough to stop now while powerful leaders are bashing him. It feels like desertion. On the other side of the coin, I've been fighting against the system for some time, and the biggest battles are just starting. It's like having Merry or Pippin from the Lord Of the Rings see the armies assembling and heading back to the Shire.
So basically, I don't miss the things I enjoy about the sport - the guys actually riding and competing through beautiful mountain scenery, the training, the teamwork, etc. I miss fighting for the big Spanish star in English, and battling against the Evil Empire. Inspired by the fact that Clown Shoes decided to take Franco's case to arbitration to protect their Biological Passport system, while trying to trash more months of life of a guy who hasn't been allowed to do his job or accept pay since May, based on a faulty system.
But there's bigger news in my own life. Long-time readers (God help you) remember that one of my symptoms after the crash was that I could close my eyes and be unable to picture anything or anyone I'd ever met. If it wasn't in front of me, I couldn't see it. And I could close my eyes, have everything be dark, and literally have no thoughts for as long as I stayed that way. It first started t come back the tiniest bit the day I started taking MAF, and was able to picture the smile of Jayme the Hooters Girl a few hours after I talked to her. Since then it's been hit and miss.
When I first got too short of money to stay on the capsules, the lights went out quickly.But this evening, eleven days after my month of capsules ran out, I was lying on my right side, shortly after awakening. I had folded my foam pillow wrong when I went to bed, so it was too big, occasionally putting my head and neck at a bad angle. I was there thinking about things, with the right side of my head on the pillow, trying to go back to sleep.
I decided for a second to picture the screen print I made of the hot girl from Californication. I conjured her up for a second, then there was an audible click on the right side of my upper neck or lower face, and there was darkness. It was a chiropractic kind of click, brought on by the bad angle from the pillow. But it had worked like a light switch. I was upset for the setback, but it was a revelation that at least that part of my symptoms have a physical part. I was able to picture whatever without the MAF, and then something physical got out of whack.
When I got up, I felt the old familiar problem in my spine are - I could point you right to it. Something is kind of compressed and rotated a bit. The problem extends up to my neck. I guess I have to hope that some night on the air mattress my body will be in a position to self correct. But I've felt the difference on the right side of my head again, and if I ever have cash to get myself back in the medical system, I might be able to get things straightened out.
I watched the Kim Clijsters match last night. The announcers were talking about how her service motion is a problem. I taught myself various strokes frame by frame, from books, magazines, TV instruction, and I was able to spot the major flaw in the first game.I knew exactly what went wrong on her bad serves, and how to fix it. I sent her a twitlonger about it, not expecting her to read it, or to take it seriously if she saw it. It's good to know I still have the eye, though.
By the way, she's super fit for January you can see it around her waist. She's got this athletic hour glass shape from the back. Her ground strokes look really good, so she should have a good shot at the two week Australian Open, if she can avoid the one match where things fall apart.
2:26 a.m. - Thursday, Jan. 13, 2011
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